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Previous Issues > May 2007 > Manners Matter > Q. Why Cant Your Elbows Be On The Table?
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 Manners Matter
Q. Why cant your elbows be on the table?
Q. Why cant your elbows be on the table?
Shelby C.
A. Dear Shelby,
Keeping elbows off the table is still very much proper etiquette if you are eating; however, contrary to popular belief, elbows on the table is acceptable between courses or after everyone has finished eating. If you are finished, but others are still eating, keep your hands on your lap or you may rest your wrists on the edge of the table. Leaning with your elbows will make others feel that they have to rush to finish.
 The no elbows on the table rule came about from a time when overcrowding at the dinner table was common; it was a courtesy made out of necessity, to ensure that everyone would have enough room to eat. In modern times, this rule is kept because of three reasons: first, hunching over is very bad for digestion, and second, having elbows on the table makes tipping over bowls and cups more likely.
Additionally, we continue this rule of etiquette today because when the forearm and hand are wrapped around the plate, it is kind of a confrontational stance and therefore is considered rude. If someone hunches over his plate, he gives the appearance of shoveling the food into his mouth. Any gesture that makes eating appear aggressive indicates that the diner is not eating slowly and savoring every bite; showing appreciation for a hosts culinary skill and/or company is the underlying purpose for all table manners.
No elbows is one of a few basic table manners that everyone should know; here are a few others:
Wash your hands before you eat.
Take the napkin from the left side of the plate (or on top of the plate) and place it on your lap.
Start eating when the head of the table (or a parent) starts.
Ask for the food to be passed to you (no reaching
always say please).
Never criticize the food or say you dont like something! If you are offered something you dont want, simply say No, thank you.
If there is something you are served that you dont like, try to take at least one bite, then leave the rest on your plate. Do not make any unpleasant gestures to the food.
Tear rolls or bread into smaller pieces as you need a bite, and butter that one bite; dont butter the entire piece all at once. After you have buttered the bread, place your knife across the top of your plate (dont gangplank with part of the knife on the table, and part on the plate).
Cut one or two bites of meat at a time (if age appropriate).
Sit up straight.
Chew with your mouth closed, no talking with food in the mouth.
Do not pick your teeth at the table. Excuse yourself and do it in private if absolutely necessary.
Elbows off the table dont hunch over your plate as if to shovel it in.
No rude noises such as burping, snorting or slurping.
Ask to be excused when finished.
Thank the person who prepared the meal!
Place your fork and knife together in the 10:20 position across your plate.
Offer to help clear the table.
Truman and Mrs. Susan Fleming will be glad to answer your questions on manners and etiquette.
Susan Fleming is a home economist, editor and lifestyle writer, specializing in the areas of entertaining and childrens etiquette. Just e-mail your question to manners@kidsvillenews.com. If we use your question in the publication, you will receive a
Kidsville News! t-shirt!
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